Rainbows

There are a lot of things we don't do, we don't think about doing. I drew a rainbow today. I've never drawn a rainbow before. Why haven't I drawn a rainbow before? It's beautiful. It's a rainbow. I rarely draw. I draw when I feel things. He made me feel like.. like rainbows. He smiles, he makes me happy. His smile makes me happy. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. The beauty resides in the simplicity of it all. It's been a while since I've been happy. Things are simple and calm.. I love the quiet. I've been drifting off lately, inadvertantly. I find myself somewhere I've never been. Then someone speaks to me, I snap back. Where was I? It's like I haven't been there, I can't remember. I remeber the feeling though. I must've had been somewhere nice. They speak, trivial, useless things. "Why'd you cut your nails?" I don't care. They're just nails. They are stupid nails. "They looked nice before, what did you do?" I don't know. Fuck it. "Did you comb your hair?" It's just hair, mom. I don't get it. It's so silly. I'm not my body. I never was. Yet, suddenly I find myself taking care of it before I see people who make me happy. Why do I do that? I guess, I want to be presentable. I want them to smile so I could just be, I could be in my comfort zone. I should get out of there. I've been having these dreams at night. They feel so real, just me, wandering somewhere. I wanted him there, but he doesn't like the ocean. He doesn't like snow. I still wanted him there. He gets cold, but it was my own dream. There, I could fix the weather for you. I would fix the weather, and he would smile. He would smile and I would feel like rainbows.