Rainbows

There are a lot of things we don't do, we don't think about doing. I drew a rainbow today. I've never drawn a rainbow before. Why haven't I drawn a rainbow before? It's beautiful. It's a rainbow. I rarely draw. I draw when I feel things. He made me feel like.. like rainbows. He smiles, he makes me happy. His smile makes me happy. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. The beauty resides in the simplicity of it all. It's been a while since I've been happy. Things are simple and calm.. I love the quiet. I've been drifting off lately, inadvertantly. I find myself somewhere I've never been. Then someone speaks to me, I snap back. Where was I? It's like I haven't been there, I can't remember. I remeber the feeling though. I must've had been somewhere nice. They speak, trivial, useless things. "Why'd you cut your nails?" I don't care. They're just nails. They are stupid nails. "They looked nice before, what did you do?" I don't know. Fuck it. "Did you comb your hair?" It's just hair, mom. I don't get it. It's so silly. I'm not my body. I never was. Yet, suddenly I find myself taking care of it before I see people who make me happy. Why do I do that? I guess, I want to be presentable. I want them to smile so I could just be, I could be in my comfort zone. I should get out of there. I've been having these dreams at night. They feel so real, just me, wandering somewhere. I wanted him there, but he doesn't like the ocean. He doesn't like snow. I still wanted him there. He gets cold, but it was my own dream. There, I could fix the weather for you. I would fix the weather, and he would smile. He would smile and I would feel like rainbows.

Song Cover

I covered Kiss Me by Sixpence None the Richer. It's not that good but I felt like sharing ^_^

There ya go:

http://soundcloud.com/miame/kiss-me-cover

A Piece Of Yourself

I was having a conversation with a friend yesterday and he was discussing a certain problem he had with his girlfriend. The problem wasn't a big deal at all, he even said so. However, I felt that its concept should be shared.

So, think about a person you really genuinely care about and love. Now, imagine that person is one of those silly people whose conversations only revolve around what they did, where they went, some small talk, what others did, AND THAT'S IT. But it's okay. You love them anyway and since you do, you try to open bigger and much more important subjects, but they don't respond well to that. You aslo talk about real things that you like, things that annoy you, things you experience and feel, and things that are SOLID. But, they don't get it... AT ALL.

While you try to convey and discuss those things, your unconscious intention is basically just to share a piece of who you are; your natural flow. They don't take it that way. I'll give an example so that what I'm talking about would be clearer.

Let's say you have family issues that greatly annoy you and since you have that other person you share what annoys you with them. What you're doing here is being yourself and letting out what you're angry about in order to feel better. The other person takes this "silly" info in and doesn't really comment on it. They never share anything REAL about themselves. You know it. After a while, you and this other person that you "love" have a fight and what they bring out is that "Oh, well yea! you're angry because of all your family issues. Don't let that out on me. Your family is shit and that's why you're that way."

wow......

Was that expected? Did I share my personal things with you so you'd use them AGAINST me? That's horrible.

We actually genuinely share pieces and bits of ourselves not expecting that significant other to do the same, but we'd like it if they did; it's our nature. However, all they do is actually store that information as if it's some kind of weapon to use when a fight stirrs up. What's wrong here is the difference in INTENTIONS. All we wanted is someone to listen and actually care, someone who gets out of the box they're in, looks inside at himself/herself and SEES things; someone real.

Your intents and thoughts oppose theirs. You had NO INTENTS AND THOUGHTS you just feel comfortable with those people and they don't actually see that. Is it a fault? Do you think they're the right people to keep? I don't.

"The rain began again. It fell heavily, easily, with no meaning or intention but the fulfilment of its own nature, which was to fall and fall." -Helen Garner